Hosting Kerfuffle

So I decided today that I wanted a new hosting server for this site. But which one shall I choose? Also, as the domain name is still wordpress.com I was going to buy a ‘.co.uk’ or ‘.com’.

Many hosting servers provide you with a ‘free’ domain name. The ‘free’ part will be included in the overall bill, obviously. So I was thinking that I might as well pay for a hosting server. Searched for cheap hosting sites and got a ‘top 10’ list. Had a look and most were similar prices. They say things like £1.95 per month, but the catch is either that it is only for the first month and you pay £6 for the duration of the contract. Or one site said it costs £1.90 per month…for 60 months! That’s 5 years! Thus paying something like £140 (inc VAT) upfront! Yes. Upfront! Not paying per month. All the sites I looked at wanted payment upfront. No monthly payment plans at all. Shocking.

Besides that, I found one site called Fatcow.com that seemed a decent price. £30 upfront for a year wasn’t too bad, including a domain name and ‘unlimited’ disk space and bandwidth so on, so forth. Within reason, the terms and conditions say. It’s only for personal and small businesses. So I guess that using it for some sort of file sharing website would be against their policy. Also many of these sites run off ‘wind power’, not that this would make me buy their service any more.  So ‘Fatcow’, I decided to have a chat with them.

They have a ‘live chat’ window for your queries, which I took advantage of.

The session

Thank you for contacting support. 

Please be prepared to answer your Security Question when we begin chatting. To enhance our security protocols, we’ll need you to provide the answer to your Security Question at the beginning of our conversation. If you have not yet set your Security Question and Answer, please log into your account now to set it up. Thank you. 

Please hold for the next available operator to respond.

You are now chatting with ‘Chad Smith’ (Blatantly not his name, and my name is fred)

Chad Smith: Hi. How are you today?

fred: Top of the morning to ya!  

Chad Smith: How can I help you today?

fred: Your website says it’s powered by 100% wind energy…

Chad Smith: Yes.

fred: So if the wind was to stop blowing…would the servers go down?

Chad Smith: We use stored energy which is generated by the Wind energy.

fred: Well that’s a relief! Cleaver people…

fred: what if you run out of the stored energy?

fred: 

Chad Smith: We may use other sources. However, it never happened till now.

Chad Smith: Do you have hosting account with us? (Obvisly doesnt want to chat about energy)

fred: not yet, but concerned about the 100% wind powered kerfuffle

fred: you said you’d use other sources, contradicting the 100% wind power (yeah, I got you now!)

Chad Smith: Okay. Fred, you do not have to worry about the energy part of the hosting. We have the infrastructure and the sources in lace to support our energy needs and the server will never go offline. (haha, he sounds serious)

fred: is never a grantee? like never ever ever ever? I heard that the end has no end…

Chad Smith: Yes.

fred: so if the server was to go down, would i be entitled to a full refund? Or do you have some sort of monkey that peddles a bike to generate your power for emergencies?

Chad Smith: We do not provide full refund. (to the point)

fred: so what would i be entitled to? A free monkey?

Chad Smith: You will never experience any such issue due to power issue.

fred: what about server and database maintenance? surely it will have to go down (trying to be cleaver…*clever lololol)

Chad Smith: You can ask for hosting credits if you experience website issue.

fred: what would these credits be? Nuts to feed my monkey?

Chad Smith: We can add one week/month of hosting to your account.

Chad Smith: Do you have any other questions?

fred: do i have to pay the £30 for 12 months straight away or can i pay monthly? I can’t afford to pay that and feed my little monkey friend.

Chad Smith: Yes, you have to pay for one year upfront.

Chad Smith: Unfortunately, we do not have monthly plan.

fred: I got asked for my wallet upfront once…that man was not friendly…

Chad Smith: Okay,

fred: other hosting sites offer a monthly plan. (I’m trying to get something free or money off now)

Chad Smith: We do not provide monthly plan.

fred: so why should I choose you over another company? The monkey is very tempting though.

Chad Smith: We provide Unlimited Hosting at just a discounted price, unfortunately no monkey.

fred: I’ve found 10 other sites that offer a similar price if not cheaper and they provide a cage for the monkey and a poking stick just in case it goes bananas… (oh how I laughed)

Chad Smith: Our solid, secure network infrastructure is comprised of a pooled server environment, which gives virtually any server on our network the ability to access Web site files when a request occurs. This means that the first machine available will be the one to serve a customer’s Web pages, giving our customer sites faster loading times and fewer service interruptions than traditional hosting infrastructures. (blah blah blah. He well copy and pasted that off his ‘required’ things to say list)

Chad Smith: Our four world-class quality Tier 1 Internet Data Centers are optimized to provide an industry-leading web, data, and applications hosting environment.

Chad Smith: Okay. (I never said anything?)

fred: could you offer me a cheaper price? or free cage and poking stick?

Chad Smith: There is no other discount offer.

Chad Smith: Is there anything else I can assist you with today? 

fred: know the best cure for a hungover monkey. Either that or it’s dead…If I had a poking stick I’d know…

Chad Smith: 🙂  I don’t know, Fred.

Chad Smith: Thank you for chatting with us. Please feel free to contact us at any time. We are available 24×7.

fred: cheers chad, if that is, your so called name! 

Chad Smith: Bye!

fred: good luck with them wind turbines! 

Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.

I never bought their service…I blame Chad and lack of monkey services.

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Posted on August 3, 2011, in Internet and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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